Sometimes
by IrishKitty
Summary: Anakin thinks about Obi-Wan's lack of love for him. Warning: Slash.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Sometimes  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Genre: Anakin POV  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. George Lucas etc. all own the characters. End of story.  
  
Sometimes.  
  
Sometimes I wonder how Obi-Wan truly feels about me. Does he care for me? Does he feel the need to protect me from the everyday dangers that life brings? Am I his first thought in the morning when he wakes-up and his last thought at night before he goes to sleep?  
  
Or am I just another tiresome being who happens to be in his life? Am I simply another obstacle in his path that he tolerates only because he has to? Does he put up with me only because he promised Qui-Gon Jinn that he would look after me, train me and bring me to Knight-hood?  
  
Or does he see me as being no better than one of the sluts you can pick-up from outside Causley's Bar? Is he simply using me as his own "personal" slave because he knows I adore him. Because he knows I look up to him and make it my goal everyday to please him in ways I shouldn't.  
  
I question all this because my Master has never once told me that he loves me. Never. Not when I nearly died of measles when I was ten years old, not after we made love for the first time and especially not when I proclaim my love for him. Whenever I look into those beautiful green-blue eyes of his and whisper, "I love you". He always just smiles softly at me, kisses me on the forehead and then goes about his usual business as if I've just told him something along the lines of, "I love your new boots". Instead of saying that I love *him*.  
  
Because I do you see. I love him so much it hurts, that it takes over my entire being and I ache whenever I see him. I'm drowning in him, I really am and sometimes I'm scared that I'll never see the surface again.  
  
But I always break free eventually. I always manage to kick that extra bit harder and break out of the ocean his blue-green eyes create. And do you when that is? Do you know when I resurface?  
  
Every time he doesn't tell me that he loves me. 


	2. I Wish

Title: I Wish  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Genre: Obi-Wan's thoughts  
  
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me except the idea and even that's probably been copyrighted by someone else. The characters in this fic belong to the fantabulous George Lucas et all.   
  
Dedication: The girls (and guys?) at the Obi/Ani Yahoo Group. If you like this fic then you may want to check out the group that inspired it:  
  
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Obi-Ani/  
  
Author's Note: Does Anakin (Hayden) have brown eyes? I couldn't think for the life of me what colour they were when I was writing this. So sorry if I've gotten it wrong!  
  
  
***********************  
  
I wish....  
  
I wish that I could...  
  
Hold him.   
  
I wish that I could hold him close and never let him go. I wish that I could erase all the anger that lurks behind the lids of his dark brown eyes with one simple embrace. An embrace that would change everything between us, one that would help us to rise from the level our relationship sits at. From casual lovers to adoring partners. But maybe that would take more than just a hug. Maybe I should...  
  
Wish...  
  
Wish that I could...  
  
Kiss him.  
  
Shower him with soft butterfly kisses that would tell him exactly how I feel about him. Kisses that would explain the deep feelings I have for him that I'm not allowed to utter out loud. Maybe if I could kiss him -just like that- then words wouldn't be needed. Still, a kiss sometimes fails to change the world. What if it doesn't change our world? Maybe then I should wish...  
  
That...  
  
That I could...  
  
Touch him.  
  
Caress every inch of his body with a warm caring hand. Touch him in a way that would bring him to his knees as he screamed out with ecstasy. No, not scream. Never screaming. Screaming symbolises pain and he has suffered so much already. Perhaps a touch wouldn't help him to understand. I suppose...   
  
I...  
  
I could...  
  
Say the words.  
  
I could whisper them into his ever listening ear. After all, he tells them to me so many times a day. It should only be fair that I return the little phrase to him. But what if he doesn't understand the full extent of those words? What if he thinks that I love him like a father, a brother, a friend? What if he doesn't realise that I'm *in* love with him? Perhaps...  
  
I...  
  
I could...  
  
Put them all together...  
  
I walk silently into our room and find him sitting at the table hunched over some school work. His brow is furrowed in concentration and his chocolate brown eyes are flashing with impatience. Curious as to what is giving him such trouble I use the force to levitate one of his books over thus alerting him to my prescence if he didn't know of it before. Ah, standing oviatation algebra. Anakin never has been fond of anything that makes him use his brain instead of his body. Gently I place the book back down and tilt my head to admire the picture he makes.  
  
"Anakin" I call quietly holding out my arms, "Come here"  
  
Looking up from his work he gives me a lopsided smile before dropping everything immediately and bounding playfully over to me and into my waiting arms.  
And for one simple -but not so simple- moment I hold him close to me in a loving embrace. My Padawan just stands there in a bewildered but accepting kind of silence as I breathe in everything that is him and cherish every little sigh he makes before I...  
  
Before I place a soft butterfly kiss on his forehead, caress one cool cheek and whisper three little words into his ear, "I love you"  
  
And I can honestly say, as I sit here in the gardens with his head in my lap while he attempts to memorise the formulas Master Lang has set him, that the smile that appeared on his face that night made the last few angst-ridden years worthwhile.  
  
In fact, I think it made everything worthwhile.   
  
And I now...  
  
No longer...   
  
Wish...   
  
For...   
  
Anything. 


End file.
